New Kid On The Block

Hello, new guild members! This is a post for you. So you just joined a new guild, but everyone seems all buddy-buddy and you feel like you’re missing out? You might be thinking to yourself how you can quickly be “one of the boys” or at least feel remembered and be able to understand the inside jokes being made.

Integrating into a new online guild in an MMORPG can be daunting, but with the right approach, you can quickly become a valued and noticed member of the community.

How to Find Your Place in a New Guild

Here are some quick tips to help you bond with your fellow guildmates and establish yourself within the group:

Be an Active Listener

Like any skill, active listening is something that can be practiced and learned. It is important to actively listen to what your guildmates have to say. Do not just listen to what they are saying so you can provide a clever response that elicits a certain reaction. Rather, listen to what they have to say and respond in a way that makes them feel that the message they are trying to tell you is received. Consider summarizing what they said in your own words and provide your insight immediately after. When summarizing, be sure to not come off as one who is stealing their insights and repurposing them as your own. In group conversations, try making references to other people’s insights that might have gotten lost in the discussion while crediting their names when it is your turn to speak. By making the other party feel heard, people will begin to naturally want to talk to you on their own accord.

Try One-on-One Conversations

Have trouble speaking up in a group chat? Perhaps one-on-one conversations are more your thing. If the guild allows it, consider asking for permission to direct message people you would like to get to know. Being in a one-on-one conversation places someone’s attention all on you and it allows for you to be able to actively listen to all the points one person may want to talk about. You can also list your concerns about fitting in with the guild and they may advocate for your participation in group situations where you may normally be overlooked.

Participate in Guild Activities

Although participating in a guild activity may be the reason you feel out of place if there are just too many people and they are unable to make meaningful conversation with you, the organizer of the event will notice. Also, take the time to thank the organizers for their hard work to acknowledge the efforts they are putting toward bringing people together.

Contribute to Planning Guild Activities

Do you still feel not quite in with the guild despite participating in guild activities? Consider contributing to planning the guild activities! Offer guild leadership some event ideas or say you are willing to help make their event ideas come true. Bring up how you want to get more involved in the guild rather than just participate. Also, provide them with what skills you possess and want to share with the guild. This could be marketing skills for recruitment, crafting and gathering for gear or furniture, or raid education. If you are a role player, offer your writing services to help roleplay a scene that another guild member has been envisioning. If the guild has a formal leadership structure, request to sit in at officer meetings to get a feel for the guild’s ambitions.

Respect Guild Rules and Norms

If you’re new to an established guild, do not try to change the culture right away. Familiarize yourself with the guild’s rules and guidelines, and adhere to them respectfully. Respecting the guild’s culture demonstrates your willingness to be part of the community. Try to adapt to avoid conflict with the majority who like the way things are as it is. If you truly feel things need to change, there may be a misalignment between your values and the guild’s values. This is not inherently bad, but it may be a signal for you to begin looking for a new guild if this misalignment is leading to frequent conflict.

Try New Things

Have you spoken with a few of your fellow guildmates and they have shown interest in things you never tried before? Perhaps someone is passionate about roleplaying and hosting venues, and you have never participated in one. Maybe they have movie nights for rom-coms that you do not particularly enjoy. Or a few guildmates are addicted to a co-op survival game you never played. Sometimes the activity doesn’t matter and the fun of it comes from being with your friends.

If you really do not like something, there is no need to force yourself. But if you are ambivalent about something, give it a try! Especially if the chance is offered to you, your guildmate simply wants to share something dear to them that they hope you will also enjoy. Heck, they might not even like the activity that much themselves but just want an excuse to bond with you. So try seeing their offer to try something new as a gift they prepared for you. Shooting it down may cause negative feelings of rejection for them and reduce the chances they will approach you again with another opportunity.

A Youtube channel called Yes Theory, embodies this tip’s philosophy. Their mission statement explains that they “believe life’s greatest moments and deepest connections exist outside of your comfort zone.” They challenge you to find those meaningful moments by seeking discomfort and saying yes to opportunities you would normally say no to.

Maintain Positivity

Maintain a positive and supportive attitude, encouraging others, celebrating their achievements, and diffusing any negativity. A positive demeanor contributes to a harmonious and enjoyable guild environment. Not only that, but positive thinking also has physical health benefits too. We all come to play games to have fun, so positivity is a much-welcome trait to bring into the guild.

Help Others

Maybe you’re a veteran player but new to the guild. Offer help to fellow guildmates, especially newcomers, whether it’s providing guidance, sharing resources, or simply offering moral support. Helping others builds trust and camaraderie within the guild. If you possess expertise in a particular aspect of the game, share your knowledge with the guild through guides, discussions, or in-game assistance. Sharing your expertise establishes you as a valuable resource. Just be sure not to come off as condescending or knowing more than the other guild members.

When it comes to giving advice and critiquing others, tread carefully as others may mistake your good intentions as a means to make them feel bad. Rather than give unsolicited advice, ask them if they would like to receive advice or not. If they do ask for advice, avoid using sarcasm or demeaning humor to lighten the situation as it may be taken the wrong way.

Focus on the Similarities, not the Differences

In general conversation, try to avoid outright rejecting a person’s opinion on something even if you disagree. Try to understand where they are coming from and respectfully share your alternative viewpoint without discrediting their opinion.

One particular FFXIV argument that is frequently seen in guilds is when a fan of the lore gets noticeably upset when learning that another member chooses to story-skip or critique the story itself. People have different playstyles and different amounts of free time to be able to play the game. Rather than fighting on a topic that would likely not convince either party to change their viewpoint, it would be a better use of time to find commonalities in the game that they both would have enjoyed doing together.

Be Patient and Consistent

Building rapport takes time and consistency. Be patient with yourself and the guild as you integrate into the community. Consistent involvement and positive interactions will gradually establish your place within the group. Create new memories with your guildmates and the longer you are involved, the more you will understand the inside jokes or create new ones because you were there when they happened.

Being Yourself

One part of being consistent is by being yourself. But if you have a history of having trouble connecting with new friends, consider past conflicts and assess how you have behaved in these situations. Sometimes things are out of your control. But were there things in your control you could have done better? If you find yourself in a similar situation, try to change the way you habitually react to something by reacting with intention. This way, you do not repeat the same patterns of mistakes. Are people misunderstanding your intentions? Following some of the tips in this blog post and keeping open lines of respectful communication with your guildmates is key to reversing these misunderstandings. The tips above exist to bring out the best in you, not change who you are on a fundamental level. Even if interests don’t always align, people will gravitate toward a person who understands who they are, is positive, and cares for others. At the very least, you will gain allies who enjoy your company and can advocate for your participation in impromptu group events.

Remember, every guild has its unique dynamics and personalities. Embrace the guild’s culture, be yourself, and contribute positively to the community. With time and effort, you’ll form strong bonds with your fellow guildmates and become a valued member of the guild.

Seeking Comments

Dear Readers, have you tried any of these tips? How have they worked for you? Do you have additional pointers that your fellow gamers should learn about? Join the discussion on our Discord!